Everything I need to know, I learned from Yoda

Thursday, July 13, 2006

WARNING: The following post is not for those with faint hearts or queasy stomachs...

Yeah, like, so yesterday was simultaneously the worst and best day I have had in years. I told you in my last post that I had taken a job driving for Griffin Industries here in Falmouth.


First, a word about what they do. Griffin's is a rendering facility that has been in business for over sixty years. Rendering is also known as "animal recycling". Their primary business concern is to collect inedible animal waste and byproducts and "render" it into usable agribusiness products. In other words, they collect animal guts and bones from slaughterhouses and unused meat scraps from grocery stores. These are then put through a process where they are chopped into small pieces, run through a high pressure steam cooker to remove all water and reduced to the base dry protein. This protein is then packaged and distributed and used for a variety of purposes, primarily as a base component for high-quality livestock feeds and pet food. Next time your in the grocery store, look at the dog food packages. They don't call it "lamb and rice" formula for nothing. Until fairly recently, another huge byproduct of animal rendering was tallow, a waxy substance which was used primarily as a cosmetic base and to make soap. Boiled animal fat mixed with a chemical, usually lye, is how soap was made for centuries. These processes are largely synthesized anymore. They also collect used restaurant fryer grease which is refined to use in a number of products which escape my memory at this time.


Anyway, their transportation operation, which concerns me, is divided into three areas: the grease route drivers, who collect the restaurant grease; the tractor-trailer drivers, who carry the finished product hither and yon; and finally, the meat and bone drivers who collect the "inedible animal byproduct. The "gut-wagon" drivers. My first day out with a driver was on a meat and bone route with an old-timer named Mike who services everything south of the plant which is basically all of Kentucky except northern Kentucky.


Now, we went to nine grocery stores, mostly Kroger's, to pick up their meat scraps and out-of-date product. This was no big deal. The product was in 44-gallon garbage cans on wheels. We rolled them out the back door and onto a hopper on the back of the truck which lifted them up and over the back of the trailer, dumping the contents into the bay. We wash out the can with the pressure washer on the truck, run the empty cans back inside and were on our way. Easy-Peasy-Japanesey.


We also had to go to four slaughterhouses. Yeah. Different story altogether. Same kind of deal, you back up to the place and you have these 55-gallon drums loaded up with heads, intestines, hooves, legs, bones, shit, blood and basically any other part of a cow or hog you don't buy in your grocer's meat department, not to mention a healthy dose of maggots, depending on how long it's been sitting there. It's not that big a deal really. The idea of what's in the drums doesn't bother me a whit. I'll still take my steak gelatinous and a little cool, thank you very much. But, oh my God, the smell!! I can't really describe it.


The first place wasn't too bad. Everything was outside and in the fresh air. Eight or nine drums and we're on our way. The next place was this little slaughterhouse in Lawrenceburg. Their were only about five drums, but they were inside this little outhouse that wasn't quite tall enough for me to stand in. There was no ventilation and the floor was crawling with maggots. I followed Mike in and was immediately overwhelmed by the most god-awful stench you could possibly imagine. And I mean over-whelmed. I couldn't breathe. Breathing meant inhaling more of this odor. My eyes closed up on me. These drums don't have wheels on them. They have to be man-handled to the truck. Mike took one that was piled up over the rim and was struggling to get it out the door. I had no escape. I was stuck behind him. I came as close as I could to throwing up without actually doing it and I still almost yarked all over Mike's back. Even Mike, who has been doing this for over fifteen years, was a little choked up. I finaly got out and away and was able to take a few deep breaths. I may have saved my breakfast, but I lost a little piece of my sanity in that little hut. I'll never forget it till the day I die.


The last two slaughterhouses, one just outside Lancaster and the other in Cynthiana, blessedly, had refrigerated rooms for their product. This delays the decaying and hence, retards the smell. I stiil managed to fall flat on my ass in beef blood in Cynthiana because the barrel was so heavy, I couldn't get the two-wheeler tilted back. And then, to add insult to injury, the very last barrel contained cow hides. The hopper on the back of the trailer has hooks to catch the drum or can to keep it from falling into the bay. One of these hides, hair, fat and all, got hung on this hook and wouldn't shake free. Mike lowered the hopper and we wrestled with this damn hide for about five mintues or so. I finally asked Mike if he had a knife or saw or something. There was a knife in the sidebox and we were able to cut it loose. Then we came back to the plant.


All in all, it was the most vile, repugnant, disgusting thing I have ever done in all my life.


How was it the best day? That afternoon when I got home, I got offered another job to go drive for Coca-Cola in Lexington. Um, yeah, I quit Griffin's the next morning.



Any Question? Any Comments? Be Quiet as You Go...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Transitions... (no, not the contact lenses)

Falmouth, KY


I have reached a crossroads of sorts. I began blogging several months ago under the pretense of relaying stories and anecdotes from my life as an over-the-road truck driver. Well, for good or ill, that part of my life is over. I drove my last mile for Schneider National Carriers on Saturday, June 24. I have enjoyed being off the last two weeks. It has helped me to rest up and recharge a little bit. Monday morning, I started my new job driving for Griffin Industries here in good ole Falmouth, KY. It's not pretty work, but it's about the same money I was making at Schneider and, more importantly, I WILL BE HOME EVERY NIGHT AND OFF WEEKENDS!!!!!!!!


I apologize for the all caps, but I am MAS excited. It's another step towards a more normal life. Over-the-road trucking is interesting for awhile. But, honestly, if you've seen one twelve-foot wide lane of blacktop, you've pretty well seen them all. I'm glad to be rid of it.


So, what to write about



Italy won the world cup Sunday over France. I had intended to watch the final match, but I forgot that the day was Sunday. I remembered just in time to see the penalty kicks that ended the match. I don't like the penalty kicks. I think it would be far more interesting if the overtime was sudden death and you play till someone scores an actual goal. I think that would be more exciting. But, then again, I'm just a silly American. What would I know about futból?



To tell the truth, I felt like a lot of Americans before the tournament started. "Soccer is boring. Its too slow and archaic", and all that. But once I started watching a match, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. The best match I saw was the semi-final between Germany and Italy. 118 minutes of 0-0 tie before Italy finally put one in with a minute left in overtime and then followed that with the clincher some 45 seconds later. Great match. I find myself looking forward to the next World Cup four years hence in South Africa. Go USA! Or Italy! Or Brazil! Or anybody else who isn't the French!!


I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest last night.


***Aye, be ye warned, maties! Thar be spoilers ahead, arrrrr!!***


As a general rule, I avoid reading reviews of movies I intend to see before I see them, lest it cloud my judgment. After having seen the film, I have read a few reviews which were, to say the least, lukewarm. One reviewer for CNN.com headlined his article "Bermuda Triangle of Bad". I don't know if I would go that far. This same reviewer criticized the film for not having a resolution. I mean, Duh! I knew damn good and well when I walked in the theatre that I would be seeing the first part of a two part story, a la the Back to the Future sequels. How any self-respecting film critic could have expected otherwise is beyond me.


Another general criticism was that the film, at roughly two hour and fifteen minutes, is too long. In this, I happen to agree. A few of the action sequences did seem to drag on a bit. Another critic remarked that Orlando Bloom's talents were remarkably wasted in this film. I would only change one word of this statement. I would replace "wasted" with "over-rated". What can you say? Through two films, Bloom's character, Will Turner, has ensconced himself as the moral compass of this epic. And as we all know, moral compasses are boring. Right up Blooms alley.


I liked the film. In some ways, I thought it was better than the first one. With the novelty of Johnny Depp's quasi-rock-star-drag-queen characterization of Jack Sparrow wearing off a bit, the supporting cast was in need of a bit more punch this time around and it delivered beautifully in the person of an increasingly impressive Keira Knightley and the addition of two new characters. The first is our new antagonist, Davy Jones, played by Bill Nighy (Love Actually, Underworld). The second is someone you may remember from the first movie. It is none other than Will Turner's father Bootstrap Bill, played here by Stellan Skarsgard (Good Will Hunting, Breaking the Waves). These two veteran actors combine to give the film much needed depth and more of an ensemble feel that doesn't rely so heavily on Depp's genius.

All in all, I enjoyed the movie and got out of it exactly what I was expecting and then some.


Lets see, anything else? Congrats to Mike and Erin on their impending move. I know their looking forward to it.

You know what really bugs the shit out of me? People who say "supposebly". Theres no such fucking word!


Any questions? Any Comments? Be Quiet as You Go...